Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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