Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Come on in and take your pants off
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