i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
