That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
