I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
