you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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