shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
3pm strippers are depressing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
