his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
