Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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