I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
