oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize