The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
