halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
