Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
