Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
