Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
