we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
