last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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