So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
