someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
