New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
