Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
