i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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