My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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