I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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