just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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