last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
