Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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