Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize