I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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