Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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