I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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