I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
