This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
