I cockslap morals
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
