Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
