I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
