I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
