Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
