So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
