So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
be right there i have to get my cape
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
