Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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