Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
