My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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