WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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