Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
