was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
