I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
