Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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