obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
