I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
