do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
