***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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