She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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