he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
