I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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