had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
