Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
