I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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