Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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