pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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