i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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