i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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