I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
