Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
