either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
