My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
