Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
