How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
