I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
