I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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