Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
