i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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