youre lurking in front of me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
there is glitter all over my balls
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