I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have fence marks all over my body
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
