her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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