he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
