He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
