Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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