dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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